Kamis, 11 Maret 2010

How to Write an Apology Love Letters?

In all relationships, there will come a time where disputes and disagreements crop up and can result in tense, ugly shouting matches. The situation can last for days or even weeks. If the disagreement is not resolved, it can crop up anytime, even years later. If the disagreement is severe, it may even impact trust in the relationship. The key point is that if the relationship is important enough then one should address the disagreement as soon as possible.


There are many ways to address disagreements depending on the severity of the argument. Some of these ways are self resolution, open discussion and third party mediation. These resolutions methods are wide and are discussion topics by themselves. However, I like to cover one method under open discussion which has proven effective time and time again.

Open discussion is an attempt to have ‘a meeting of minds’. It is a verbal open discussion where each one gets to voice out their feelings and opinions. If one jumps directly into an open discussion without a preparatory set-up, negative feelings can often crop up and turn the discussion into an unproductive one. A better approach would be to write an apology love letter to open up for a discussion later.

There are benefits in writing an apology love letter. One, you have the time to collect your thoughts and weigh the implications. You can rewrite, and reword when you feel it is inappropriate. Two, writing down your feelings will also help you identify clearly the issues. It will also help you calm your own feelings.

Before writing, you must be very clear in your mind that you need to apologize. Apology does not mean admitting you are wrong. Apology can mean that the approach you used to deal with the situation is wrong and has upset the other party. However, if you are wrong, then by all means, admit that you are wrong. So, here is a structure which you can write your apology love letter. I will assume the other party is a male.

Your first paragraph is to write to say that you are sorry that you have created a situation which resulted in an uneasy situation and that it was not your intention. Second, say that the issues you raised up are important to you and need his support to see your view point. Say that you need his trust and guidance.

The second paragraph is to focus on the issue. Discuss only one issue and the most important one. State the issue and then explain how the issue has impacted you – your feelings, the implications, your self-esteem or your relationship. The focus is on how the issue has impacted you, and not the other person. This approach prevents you from using the ‘blame-game’ technique, which you should avoid at all cost.

The final paragraph is to reassure the other person that you value him in the relationship. Say how much he means to you in your own life. His guidance, his presence and his support are very important to you. End the letter by apologizing for the situation and that you need his guidance and understanding. If you like, end the letter by saying “I need you”. This makes a very significant impact.

The main objective of an apology love letter is to calm and soothe the other person’s feelings and then get them into a more conducive open discussion. You should avoid using an apology letter to explain everything. An apology love letter is just the means of getting the affected party together for an open discussion. Try it and be amazed at how well it works.
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1 komentar:

  1. Pretty much pleased with your great work, i was impressed to read this fantastic post on your blog.


    Love Letters

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