Women want to experience real love at least once in their lifetime. A blessed few get to meet Mr. Right. A blessed few get to keep Mr. Right. It may have been perpetuated by childhood stories of 'happily ever after' - where the fairy tale prince takes her princess away from the drudgery of her life. Yes, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty continue to be popular even in modern times. Unfortunately, not all men know or understand this. Some men are simply clueless on what to do. Now, if a man wants more from his current relationship, he needs to work at it. When the intensity dies down, a relationship can get boring - so keep it exciting and keep her ever in love. Below are some relationships tips what men need to know -- Tip #1: If A Woman Loves You, She Accepts You For Who You Are When in a serious relationship, a woman in love accepts everything she knows about her man - yes the whole package. In this case, you need not worry about past sins. She will probably have forgiven you for them. You ought to concentrate instead on living your new life as a couple. Tip #2: If A Woman Loves You, She Will Seek To Please You If your woman has talents, she will use them to show how much she truly loves you. If she can cook, she will feed you all your favorite dishes. If she sings, she will sing all your favorite tunes. If she writes, she will pen love notes throughout your relationship. She will in fact seek to please you because you make her feel alive; you give her inspiration. Tip #3: If A Woman Loves You, She Will Change for the Better If your lady love has lived a not-so-virtuous-life, she will change without prodding - not because you asked her to, but because she wants to. Love does strange things to people. In this case, she will want a better life. If she cares to, she will alter her lifestyle and transform into the type of woman she believes you deserve. Tip #4: If A Woman Loves You, She Can Be Territorial One of the perplexing relationships tips what men need to know is a woman's male-like need to claim ownership. Yes she is territorial. What is hers remains hers until she no longer wishes it. She will probably confront perceived encroachers (with or without your knowledge). In her mind, jealousy doesn't equate to lack of trust. It is a sign of her intense feelings. She hates the thought of having to share your affections with others. She considers you to be her exclusive property when in the relationship. Tip #5: If A Woman Loves You, She Is Willing To Go the Extra Mile When problems arise, expect your woman to stick by your side and go the extra mile to support you in your endeavors. Many of the relationships tips what men need to know are instinctively felt or known. Sensitivity allows a man to address resulting conflicts - and keep his woman forever by his side and in love with him. If you are looking for information on relationships tips what men need to know, click on the link. Or visit http://lifestylesecretreview.com/ Related Articles - relationships, tips, what, men, need, to, know,Read More..
Senin, 29 Oktober 2012
At this time, I’m penning this from the position of being resistive. Yep, I find myself a little bit of defensive and preventive about the conscious and intentional process on how can I find my soul mate. How come? Simply because through this society, many people don’t often believe in soul mates. I’ve received loads of flak through the years from folks that inform me it’s not even simple to find your soul mate. First, I’d like to talk about my definition of a partner. I really believe that there may be two or more partner for you. I feel that there's possibly a large number, if it's not thousands of soul mates to be found for you… and unfortunately your assignment is only to clear out the barricades to captivating ONE of them. And then your soul mate would be the correct match just for you. This doesn’t mean that two of you agree with all the things, but it really does mean that you two tell common principles and are picking same ambitions in your love affair and family life. On this community, we all have been conditioned for mediocre relationships with plenty of drama. Just simply switched on your TV, look at your typical publication, play your common popular music and you’ll discover how you’re taught to NOT attract your partner. To find the correct man for you, you’ll have to do a little something beyond your “norm”- since the “norm” is negative and unsafe relationships. This is why Johnny and I give you our telecourses and our workshops- to help you to step apart from precisely what is “normal” and lastly bring the one you love. The truth is, we usually tend to evaluate your heartbreaks that you’ve received as a true blessing. Say what??! Yep, your heartbreaks acquire a huge amount of magic in them and might enable you to find out what you ought to do on how can I find my soul mate love. We now have designed a FREE 4 part video clip series coming up through the fall for you, termed as Magic of Heartbreak. Click HERE for additional information and then be a part of it. Related Articles - how, can, I, find, my, soul, mate,Read More..
Why men pull away is an issue that almost all women would likely ask in the course of a romantic relationship or in marriage. She worries that she has done something wrong or haven't done just as much as she could, feeling that the main reason he pulls away is somehow her fault. You can always find good and bad in a relationship and below are some of the reasons why men draw back in relationships. 1. Finding Faults Everytime Some males are very sensitive and prideful toward criticisms. They might unlike women who find faults along with them on a regular basis, this is especially therefore if the lady criticize her partner in front of his friends. Place yourself in their shoes, think about it, could you want your man to uncover fault along with you all the time? Do not forget that no one is perfect including you. Finding problems and criticizing him too often may cause tension in your relationship. Don't even think about wanting him to change but instead provide him space to grow. 2. Personal Stress Pressure might be one good reason why your man is pulling away from the relationship. When placed directly under unnecessary pressure, men often shun away or distance themselves from these situations. Particularly in cases where the woman pressures their significant other to bring their relationship to another level like stepping into a marital relationship, the person might bow under pressure and pull away from the relationship. Handle things naturally and the next step and level in the relationship will unfold as time ignore. By then, two of you will be ready for another step in a lovely relationships. 3. Personal Issues From time to time the catch is not with you, so do not worry and stay sensitive about it. One of the main reasons is that they are dealing with their own individual requirements in other elements of life, causing him to fret on them and this affects his mood for love. Women may go through that this is one of the most severe reasons as there is nothing that you can do to solve the dilemma. The only thing which she is able to do is usually to support him in all decisions, have confidence in him and let him use the time and space to stay these personal problems. Though it might be difficult to provide him that space and flexibility, take this chance to possess some alone time doing the things you enjoy or plan a night out with your girlfriends. Your spouse will certainly comprehend the space and time for it to solve his problems. And finally, Discover How To Get A Guy To Like You, and keep him devoted for GOOD without losing your dignity or chasing after him, please watch this FREE video presentation at http://www.girlsgetsring.com/video Related Articles - why men pull away, catch him and keep him, how to keep your man, why do men pull away, why guys pull away, why do guys pull away from you,Read More..
Rabu, 08 Agustus 2012
by: Michael Brady Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks. Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person. Do you identify with any of these statements? "He never listens to me when I talk!" "She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!" "It's like talking to a brick wall" "I can't get through to you" "We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight" "She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her" "He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues" Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process. Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication 1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings. 2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience. 3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts. 4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions. 5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc. "The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself. 6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions. Listening and Feedback Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication. Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact. Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing. Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind. It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback. If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions! Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive. Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process: Confrontational (win or lose, blaming) Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming) Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal) Giving in (passive, submissive) Avoidance (denial, withdrawal) Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems: Compromise (meet halfway, understanding) Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation) Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty) When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers. When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful: 1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument! 2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it. 3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…” 4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you. 5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension. 6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other. 7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest. 8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue. Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled. Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents. 19 Steps to Effective Communication 1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down. 2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap) 3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding. 4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”. 5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness. 6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …” 7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done. 8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception) 9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure. 10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments. 11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences. 12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game. 13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood. 14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.” 15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings. 16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing. 17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others. 18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining. 19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing. Summary As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.Read More..
Senin, 05 Maret 2012
Ever heard of the saying “love makes the world go round”? It may be true, but do you believe that love makes a person more beautiful? Ask any beauty icon about her beauty secret and she will tell you that how a woman feels inside shows outside. In truth, a person who feels loved and in love will have a different aura. They refer to this as a “gleam in one’s eye or a glow in one’s cheeks”, and is something that improves a person‘s appearance. It is not necessary for a person to feel the “man and woman” type of love to be beautiful: it can be filial love or love for anything. What is important is that you have a powerful feeling that transforms heaven and earth and a person’s sense of well-being. Imagine how you would look if you possess the knowledge that no one cares for you or loves you: this depressed feeling can make you want to frown and look depressed and/or angry. On the contrary, a person who feels that he is loved by his family, his friends or by a special someone, will have a face that speaks of serenity, peace and happiness. The glow of love does not only create a glow in one’s heart but it also creates a glow in one’s face and reflects how a person views the world around him. A lighter feeling inside can result in a lighter face and a happy disposition that will improve one’s appearance. Haven’t you noticed that almost all women look their prettiest on their wedding day? Despite the pressure and the hustle and bustle of wedding preparations, a woman will still look beautiful on her wedding day. They call it the glow of love. It may be the rush of adrenalin that gives people who are in love a special glow that makes their eyes sparkle, or their smiles brighter. It is often referred to as an inner beauty that is reflected in one’s appearance. A person who feels loved or who is in love will have more self esteem than an ordinary person. This self esteem can give a person a beautiful glow that exudes more confident when facing others and in doing his daily tasks. A person who exerts a great deal of effort to do the most mundane tasks will probably become happier doing those tasks when he is in love. Consequently work is accomplished more easily. While beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, true beauty is in the eyes of a person in love. This free article is provided by the FreeArticles.com Free Articles Directory for educational purposes ONLY! It cannot be reprinted or redistributed under any circumstances. Article Copyright By Author. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.Read More..
Senin, 23 Mei 2011
Are you stumped with how to get a girl to like you? Fear not, because there are ways to catch a woman's heart. Around half of the world's male population have a dilemma on how to capture the heart of the girl of their dreams the same as you. Just what is it that makes women weak in the knees anyway? Below is a list of tips on how to get a girl to like you:
As with getting anyone, male or female, to like you, simply be yourself. Being fake would only repulse people. Faking your own personality drives people away. Honesty and integrity is a barometer of trustworthiness. If a girl can't trust you to be yourself, why would she entrust you with her life?.
If you've always felt awkward with the fairer sex, it's not the end of the world. It may take practice; but as with any intrepid endeavor, it takes time to warm up to the changes. Start with the basics.
Take note of your own family. How do the male and female members interact? If you're fortunate enough to have been raised in a female-dominated family, then you'd at least have a basic awareness of how to conduct yourself around girls. But if you've only ever been exposed to testosterone your entire life, you'll have to work a little harder at it.
Try to interact with women more and try to be familiar with their ways. It won't do you good to avoid them at all costs just because you are daunted by them. Girls aren't immune to insecurity, too. If you're afraid to approach a girl, remind yourself that girls wonder about how to get guys to like them as well.
Being nice and pleasant are two different things. Sure, you might be a pleasant fellow to be around with, but do you actually go out of your way to be a decent human being?
Help an old lady cross the street. Be a role model for kids to look up to. Be kind to animals. Being considerate to others, no matter the age, gender, or species, is sure to make any girl fall for you.
Of course, don't do it just to impress her. If all you're after are the brownie points, your efforts will only backfire, painfully.
Clean up your act.
There are females may find rugged types rather appealing. That, however, is no excuse for you to avoid hygienic rituals. A guy can be the most awe-inspiring Adonis, but it's a given the girls will flee and avoid him like a dreaded disease if he lives like a slob.
Be a friend.
Yes, platonic relationships between people of the opposite sexes do exist. In some cases, pure friendship relationships can even lead to romantic relationships. But whether or not you'd like to take it that far, bear in mind that girls weren't made to be chased after to be captured like prize game.
The chances for her to like your company if you treat her with respect, listen to her intently, and be her support system when she's not in a good place. Let her see your clean intentions and you shouldn't let her feel like you're only after one thing (and you're probably aware what that is).
Just follow these simple steps on how to get a girl to like you and the girl of your dreams will be yours in no time.
if you are finding yourself torn between two men, this can be a very tough time for you. You will have a lot of questions that you are going to have to ask yourself and take the time to carefully sort through them to figure out what is right for you. This is going to be something that you will have to address because it is not a healthy relationship to have.
You will have to decide if what you are doing is good for you. Is it possible for you to have a healthy and loving relationship with two men at the same time? Are you going to be able to choose one over the other? These are things that you have to think about and then you have to think about them some more. You can be in love with two men at one time, but it is not something that you can act upon without getting yourself hurt.
Top reasons why we can fall in love with two people at the same time
It is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time. When you find that you are having feelings for two people at the same time, this can be a very difficult time. You may be having some feelings of love in the same way for these two people. This is going to be something that you will have to lay out on the table in front of you so that you can see where your feelings are coming from.
It is possible to be in a loving relationship and still find yourself having feelings for someone else. This is completely normal and it may just be temporary. Maybe this other person has done something nice for you or has shown you some kind of interest for one reason or another. This may trigger some emotional feelings towards this person and you may not understand why or how you can stop them.
There may be two people that are so very different from each other but for some reason they both have caught your attention and you like them for separate reasons. This is possible and you will have to come to terms with which one is going to be better for you. You must think about your feelings for both people and why you are having these feelings.
How do I determine which one is the right mate for me?
You may wander how you are ever going to decide between the two people. You will have to figure out which person is right for you. This will take a lot of thinking on your part. You will have to figure out what it is you want to have in life. What type of life do you want and which person will be better for you. You will have to spend some time with both of the people so that you can better determine which person you have more of a connection with.
Attraction is the main reason why people want to be together. They may have some sort of physical or emotional attraction for the other person. When this is the case, you have to dig down deeper and find out if there is another reason why you are so infatuated with this person. You will need to spend time together talking and finding out about one another so that you can better determine who is going to be best for you.
How do I make a wise decision without hurting both of them?
If you think that it is best to be open with both of the people that you are attracted to, you may find that this will end both relationships. Some may not take the news that you are in love with two people very well and they may decide to make the decision for you by ending it. If this is the case, you may have some relief knowing that the problem has now been solved and even though it is over, you may feel a little more relieved. This feeling may be one that you have anticipated for a long time.
There are some people that just decide it is impossible to choose between the two and it is a wise choice to let them both go. This is going to be a hard decision to make; however, in some cases, it is the only possible outcome. You cannot string someone along and make him or her wait for you because you cannot make up your mind. You may have a strong connection with both partners, but you know that it is wrong and you have to do the right thing.
The main thing that you need to remember is that you have to do what is best for you. It is important to make sure that you have your best interest in mind. You need to put yourself ahead of anyone else so that you can have it all and make all of your dreams come true.
There are times in every relationship when other commitments take priority over your husband or your boyfriend, but these times can hurt a relationship. When you start to notice that you haven't been as close as you once were, you will want to start taking steps that will reconnect you with your partner and re-establish the strong relationship that you once had.
Realize that the mess can wait
Some women believe that they are being constantly judged by how their house or their living space looks. However, this is far from the case. Instead of making cleaning the majority of your free time, why not allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the day to make room for your relationship? Instead of having the laundry always done and the kitchen always shining, isn't your relationship worth the time?
Take time for yourself
Many women will feel more connected in their relationships if they take the time to make themselves look good. Something as simple as getting out of sweatpants and tee shirts at the end of the day and into nice jeans and a well-fitting top can help you feel more confident and thus, more attractive to your partner. You don't have to look like a model, but taking care of your appearance can help you feel like one.
Create a date
At least once a week, you and your partner need to get out of the house and on a date. Too often, long relationships think that they are 'past' that, so they settle into a dull life of staying at home. When you were first dating, you went to the movies and out to eat why not try to do that more now? Sure, you won't be able to do it every week, but if you try, you will both have something to look forward to.
Stop your thinking
Many times, a woman can become frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially when she's a mom as well as a career woman. When this happens, you might feel as though you could scream at your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic enough, etc. But is this really going to reconnect your relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few seconds before you share these kinds of feelings. You might find that you're actually feeling something else that's not directed at him.
Put the spotlight on him
When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to feel special.
When you can't get away
It's time to be creative if you're unable to get away from the house. Maybe you can create date night at home, or work together on some goals that you've wanted to accomplish. Play board games do whatever you both like to do together. If you have a home remodeling project, don't leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple time.
Planning a wedding involves making lots of decisions, and depending your wedding date, the process of planning can be hectic to say the least. This is why you need all the help you can get in terms of ideas and activities that will help you plan your wedding with ease.
1. Always Involve Your Partner In Planning
Your partner is plays a huge part in planning your wedding. When you cooperate with each other in the wedding plans, you may be pleasantly surprised by the creative ideas that you can come up with together. You may not always agree on everything, but do agree to disagree and find solutions that please the both of you.
2. Decide On The Guest List Before Anything Else
The number of people attending your wedding affects almost every aspect of wedding planning, from the venue, to the budget, the menu, and everything else in between. Sit down with your partner and decide carefully who gets to come to your wedding, and then make the other decisions around the guest list.
3. Choose A Location For Your Wedding
Whether your wedding will be indoors or outdoors, the venue you select should comfortably fit all your guests and provide amenities such as a kids' section, bathrooms and care for the elderly guests. Also check whether there will be room for you and your partner to have some private moments together at the venue. Choose a location that will be accessible for your guests, meaning that they do not have to travel far to get to your wedding.
4. Choose A Theme For Your Wedding
This is where all the creativity comes in, and you can have the wedding of your dreams. The theme of your wedding can range from the seasons- summer wedding, winter wedding, fall wedding or spring wedding. You could also have a Victorian wedding or a beach wedding. Themes are abundantly available for you to choose from, and you can even combine two themes into one. Only make sure that your theme is practical enough and will be appreciated by your guests as well.
5. Create A Realistic Budget For Your Wedding
How much you spend on your wedding can make or break the planning process. Many disagreements arise from this, especially if one partner has more costly ideas for the wedding than the other. Always be realistic, and save as much money as you can because to be honest, your wedding day is only one out of your whole lives together, and you do not want to start your marriage when you are broke. Thinking long term usually helps in making the wedding budget.
6. Hire A Wedding Planner For Efficiency
When all the above aspects of planning a wedding are agreed upon, you can now look for the best wedding planner to take over. Do not let the planner, even with their expertise on weddings, to make major decisions for you. You can of course leave room for adjustments, but your planner should be able to make your guest list, budget, venue and other parts of your wedding work together.
These are the main steps to planning a wedding successfully, so consider them when planning your big day.
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Rabu, 02 Februari 2011
Do you love it when you feel deeply emotionally connected with someone? When you feel seen, understood, valued and cherished? This is what initially draws two people together and leads to falling in love.
Then what happens? Why does the connection go away?
When most people first meet, they allow each other to see only certain parts of themselves, but they often hide the deeper parts of themselves.
Because they fear being rejected for who they really are.
They fear being rejected for who they really are because they think there is something wrong with them. Believing there is something wrong with you is called core shame - the belief that there is something inherently wrong, bad, or flawed about you.
Core shame may be governing much of what you do and how you respond in your relationships. It certainly governed much of my life until I learned how to heal it.
I learned to heal it when I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance - my higher mind that can see the truth of who I am. As long as I was defining myself from my limited ego wounded, programmed mind, I was operating from the false belief that I was somehow not good enough.
Developing you spiritual connection is not hard. Whenever you move into a deep desire to learn about love and truth, you raise your frequency high enough to access the wisdom that is always here for you. But in order to do this, you have to really want to know the truth. As long as you are afraid of what you will learn, you will stay stuck with your core shame. I assure you that what you will learn about your true Self is how incredible you are!
THE COURAGE TO BE VULNERABLE AND AUTHENTIC
In order to emotionally connect with another, you have to be vulnerable and authentic about your feelings, which you can't do if you think there is something wrong with you. So before you can sustain emotional connection and intimacy, you need to heal your core shame. You will not be able to take the risk of experiencing the pain of rejection unless you are not rejecting yourself.
It takes courage to be authentic. You cannot be authentic without the willingness to be vulnerable to being hurt, and you can't connect on a deep heart level without vulnerability and authenticity.
It is only when you deeply value who you are that you have the courage to reveal yourself authentically and risk being hurt. This is what creates deeply connected relationships. What it takes is two people who have done the work of healing their core shame so that they can share their heart and soul with each other.
HEALING CORE SHAME
* Start with noticing how judgmental you are of yourself. Every time you notice yourself judging yourself, stop and say to yourself, "I'm not going there." And do not judge yourself for judging yourself! Just keep noticing and stopping each time. You will find yourself judging yourself less and less and feeling better and better.
* Practice opening to learning with your Higher Self. Keep asking your Guidance with a sincere desire to learn, "Please show me what is wonderful about who I really am." Over time, you will learn to love and cherish your true Self - your essence - for qualities such as kindness, compassion, generosity, curiosity, creativity, humor, playfulness, gentleness, inner knowing, determination, loyalty, integrity, honesty, and so on.
The more you value your true Self, the easier it will be for you to be vulnerable and authentic with the important people in your life, and create the emotional connection that we all long for.
About The Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah. Discover real love and intimacy! Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer: http://innerbonding.com/relationshipmicro/relationship-micro-1/ and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.